It’s likely your training here at SUM and through the Word will allow you to speak love and truth into some other misfit who is sitting in the sanctuary. The text was a simple, “What a pretty dress, you look beautiful today.” This compliment brought something alive in her she hadn’t experienced in a long time. We encourage you to read: Now, once again, the question we’re posing. Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. We can’t expect to be the same person we were in our 20’s, and we don’t really think our spouses will go unchanged either. You just have to look for him.” My father in law is a kind man who will do anything he can to help anyone; however, church has not been a part of his life since he was in his late teens and he had some negative experiences. faith as she grows. It is through a lot of prayer and support from my close friends. My husband told me, “My dad feels church is a hoax. So we’re asking you, if you go to church without your spouse, what helps you? It seems where we could grow together, we seem to be growing apart. church to make some friends. Her husband, Ahasuerus, King of Persia, wasn’t guilty of any personal animosity towards God’s people, but he was dangerously misled by the wicked nobleman Haman. They don’t want to, but it’s either a matter of going alone, or not going at all. All rights reserved. She wasn’t at church every time the doors were open because sometimes it was best for her marriage if she stayed at home. Biblical submission does not mean a wife has to accept her husband’s sin and she can’t say anything about it. Also, most unsaved husbands will not object to families attending church without him. Holman Christian Standard Bible And if they want to learn something, they should ask their own husbands at home, for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church … In being true to yourself, explain to your spouse why your faith is important to … This is shown in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11: “To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband). Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. My husband wants me to go to cult church. "One within myself! I have stopped inviting him because each time I do I keep getting the same answer “no” or “my time has not yet come”. She sat in the pew all alone. The first passage deals with the situation where someone, including a wife, encounters false teaching. I know what it says in the Bible about the husband being the head and that a husband and wife are as one, but I am here to tell you that it is okay to go to church without your spouse, or a church that is different from your spouse’s church. Thousands of wives stay home year after year It has to be his idea. "Jim has to work every other Often it isn't until some crisis strikes that they will look seriously for a church. I accept these. E-mail Bible Study What should I do? She served without a spouse by her side. ", "My husband never seems to want to go anywhere," says Bobbie. We talk about our faith sometimes, and I have even gone as far as to ask him where he would like to go to church, and have talked to my pastor at my current church letting him know that I may not be in attendance as frequently as my husband and I try to find a good fit for both of us (trust me that conversation took a lot of courage to have and was uncomfortable at times). I told my husband I will go with him to ‘his’ church, but he still refuses. It is a disgraceful thing for a woman to speak in a church meeting. The reason we pose it is because so many spouses are in the position of going to church without their spouse. (The pre-Christian European…, Please ask the Lord to reconcile me and my wife Kate, to open her heart to me, forgiving the past…, How God Uses This Ministry to Help Marriages, What Cindy Wright Has Learned About Marriage, What Steve Wright Has Learned About Marriage, Aligning Vacation Expectations Together With Your Spouse, Praying for Your Beloved Unbelieving Spouse, Your Everyday Influence with Your Unbelieving Spouse. I think Such pastors feel they have a right to advice women in their church to go against their husband's decisions. But there are a number of good reasons why women are beginning to show up at I think in my mind it was my way of telling him, this is what you get with me and it is not changing because my faith, my God, and church are a very important part of my life. I have been going to church without my spouse for 19 years but I am still believing for his salvation. "Whenever I talk about going to church," she I know of numerous Baptist pastors who teach that a wife should go to church, even if her husband says "no." Carol The affair started across the room in a Sunday school class when the pastor’s wife received a text from a handsome member of the congregation. By following his his wife on such an important spiritual decision, it almost seems like he's abdicating his leadership role before the marriage even began. A sense of responsibility for her children's faith is what motivated Dyann. He joined the church I teach at, and while we were dating made an effort to attend church services with me whenever we were together on a Sunday. No one could take that step for me," she adds. And that my friends, is exactly what delights the heart of God. Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Bible and Jesus . I know however, that God is a powerful God and nothing is impossible with God. Connie and Tim have never been What has God, and others spoken to you that helps? He knows it is important to me however, so he supports me and encourages me to do what I love. I felt I had been unjustly turned on. However, slowly over the last year and half, my husband has been finding more and more excuses as to why he can’t go to church with me. However, I had the hunch then, and know certainly now he was not doing those things for himself, but rather for me. At that point, you will have to activate your faith and believe God to draw your spouse unto Him. A perfect example is church attendance. Here a Nouthetic Counselor or a … Working by deceitful means, Haman persuaded the king to issue a proclamation declaring that all the Jews in the Persian Empire should be put to death on a certain day. football on Sunday mornings. In my family’s instance, my parents became a united front and my mom converted to Lutheranism and she has always said it was one of the best decisions she made in her entire life. It hurt when my wife stayed, I think I am over it, but now and again it comes up. That’s why … in church," says a wife we'll call Mary*. A second reason is Family Togetherness. Or for a husband … I was a believer, but the kind that drowned on the shore when life got tough or temptation was too great. Hi. I am a very stubborn person; my husband lovingly tells me that all the time. If I do that alone then so be it. Mom and church-going sister don’t approve of her non-church going ways, and made it extremely clear that they were disappointed that couple didn’t go to church every week. there aren't any verses in the bible that read that a husband and wife should go to church together. This is an example of what is called a false dichotomy: presenting two … it does say that women should keep silent in the church, but this isn't to say that women shouldn't have a voice in the church, because god made us equal. Going Anyway. plan activities as a family. Lastly, if the husband is meant to be the spiritual leader but he follows his wife into her church community, I can't help but think this sets a bad precedence for future decisions. Often it isn't until some crisis strikes that they will look And your spouse had to accept that and maybe he or she will be drawn by your spirit. For the first several years we went to church together regularly. * Conversations recorded here are compiled from many women's President Nelson just became a great-great-grandfather. Working by deceitful means, Haman persuaded the king to issue a proclamation declaring that all the Jews in the Persian Empire should be put to death on a certain day. (From the Joyfulheart.com article, “Should Wives Go To Church Without Their Husbands?”). "While I was trying to cope with my own A single copy of this article is free. Growing up in a home where church and prayer was a part of daily and weekly life for me, I find church to be important, and I even feel pangs of guilt when I don’t attend or forget to pray, like I am missing something very important in my life. It’s just different from yours. I have stopped trying to make him come to church with us (my children and I). Susan found that her husband Terry began to join her at church after she had I am working on a closer relationship with God. To the woman whose husband doesn’t go to church with her (anymore), This one has its own special kind of sting. I have asked God to change me; I asked to be changed for God to renew a right spirit in me and strengthened me and I also pray for my husband’s salvation and I notice I am no longer angry that my husband is not coming to church with us. Praying…, In "A Christmas Cornucopia", Mark Forsyth explains Christmas trees have a Christian origin, not a pagan one. We must remember that in Eph… resources, things got pretty rocky," she said. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. “I know I can’t give her my faith, but I am responsible to help her learn about Jesus so she’ll be able to develop her own faith as she grows. I want to grow in my walk with God. Golf, hunting, sports, or just plain ol’ apathy take over Sundays. been attending church ever since. Many of my friends tell me I should be happy with that. you'll be happy you did. Sure, they love God – but in their hearts, there’s a huge disconnect between God and their church. Additionally, here is a link to an article that will lead you to even more advice that you may find to be helpful. Women are becoming more decisive about not neglecting their own needs. We often What's been keeping you away from church? He is setting forth what a marriagereally ought to be, as the husband pictures Christ and as the wife pictures the church. It is important to realize that here in Ephesians chapter 5 Paul is presenting theideal of Christian marriage, that is Christian marriage as God intended it to be. Dyann and her daughter, Lisa, have It’s simply not true. "I told him I was going to start going Just over ten years ago I had a problem with the then worship leader. When it comes to husband/wife relations, many people in the church believe there are only two potential choices: either a woman obeys her husband’s every wish or she dishonors him and is guilty of sin. step, even if your husband doesn't want to come with you right now. Women are becoming more decisive about not neglecting their own needs. robbing her of the ability to learn to read." I bet you can guess the rest. Male ego, I call it." My husband on the other hand has taken his father’s perspective and I have heard many times a similar outlook to the way he describes his father’s faith. "I had to do it I know what it says in the Bible about the husband being the head and that a husband and wife are as one, but I am here to tell you that it is okay to go to church without your spouse, or a church that is different from your spouse’s church. I Find Christian based information on situations that arise in any relationship between husband and wife. And my husband not only doesn’t come to church with me but he practices another religion. I get envious of other couples, I feel so alone. I don't Although as more time goes by it is becoming more discouraging. went. Jim would never follow. In the evenings I am now telling him I am praying and if he wants to join me and he is joining me. One, I’m not the only one. beginning to open up. God is all around us. They don’t want to, but it’s either a matter of going alone, or not going at all. My heart is drawn to those who are alone, even those who feel alone but ARE sitting with a spouse. The reason we pose it is because so many spouses are in the position of going to church without their spouse. To rob her of a knowledge of God would be even worse than Answer: A husband and a wife attending separate churches is a situation that is more common than one might think. Do not put this on a website. He supports this, though he doesn’t approve of the lower salary I receive and the extra hours I spend working. I’m not saying I still don’t have those … I knew when I met him that he was a believer in Christ and that most of our Christian values aligned. Praise be to Allaah. But sometimes your guy might be resistant to your efforts. hasn't gone to church--with or without her preschool children--since she has She served without a spouse by her side. If the unsaved husband resists the wife and children attending church then much prayer and thought should be given to finding the reasons for his resistance. upset. Guess which wins out? "I just think he resents me I don’t nag, I don’t ask again, but rather I go by myself. This continued our first few months of marriage, and I told myself, it was okay he was going to church for me. The fruit of her labors. church without their husbands. Answer. Give your relationship priority. But his Italian mother would have a fit!" If a husband and wife attend different churches, it must be that 1) one of the churches is not a Bible-believing church and one of them does not want to go there for that reason, or 2) one (or both) of them does not … Free For many, it’s passed down generationally. Lastly, if the husband is meant to be the spiritual leader but he follows his wife into her church community, I can't help but think this sets a bad precedence for future decisions. God is everywhere, why does someone need to be in a building where half of the people don’t have a real faith anyway. immobilized. The question asked above was what the wife should do if her husband isn't leading spiritually, but I'm telling you what a husband should do. A wife has to submit to her husband in all cases except where it violates the higher authority of God. So we’re asking you, if you go to church without your spouse, what helps you? My husband and I have been married for two years, and dated for two years prior to marriage. This is your journey, and you should heed God’s calling. Carol found that life smoothed out for her. A third rationale is Religious Conflict. If they want to find out about something, they should ask their husbands at home. I go to church alone because I need to be in church, praying and being around fellow Christians who love me, guide me and uplift me. Going to church Saturday," says Jennifer, "so often Sunday is our only day together. When we have a family problem I tell him I am going to pray about it and he is welcome to join me. experiences. church," comments Melissa who has been married less than two years, "he get's She sat in the pew all alone. It just how it was, we asked why he didn't go, but that had nothing to … been attending for three or four months. proper perspective in my life, I think I'm a better wife, and I know I'm happier found that life smoothed out for her. Besides the refreshing my May your Christmas be blessed, filled with His presence! What a delight to read it! But for the During the worship service, children Lisa's Inthis chapter he is not dealing with the problem of a believing wife who is married to anunbelieving husband (such as he deals with in 1 Peter 3:1). Perhaps the first is Strategy. Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Bible and Jesus . Dear Dr. David: My husband and I were married just over three years ago. Although my wife and I came from different denominations, we happily attended the same church in our small community. "I really want our whole family involved All three of her children walk with the Lord as a result. I’m not saying I still don’t have those … been married. He doesn't object to my faith," she says. I can’t change him, but I can pray for him. But if we do approach our husbands – it must be in a spirit of great humility, respect, prayer and the love of the Spirit of Christ. This is what one wife is dealing with in her marriage. But there are a number of good reasons why women are beginning to show up at church without their husbands. And don’t lose hope when it seems like nothing is happening. "I know I can't give her my faith, but I am Discipleship Training in Luke's Gospel. In my husband’s family, his parents chose to raise him Catholic; however, he attended church only with his mother, 75 percent of the time. Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or When I was growing up, my father never went to church except if we kids were in a program. responsible to help her learn about Jesus so she'll be able to develop her own In other words, at a certain point, there is only so much that you can do and say. Leave an open invitation to her to go to church with you and then YOU go with the kids and leave it at that. Sunday school," she said. Sister who doesn’t go to church every week has a kid, and dropped off little girl to Mom and other sister for babysitting when both she and husband had to work. says, "he accuses me of not wanting the children to grow up Catholic. “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1) “Allow yourself to set aside your loneliness and pain and truly look around you. Thank you for sharing I have been praying for my husband for 25yrs now. Here are the differences I over looked. Here’s her story… Dear Jolene, Our marriage is completely on the rocks, in the natural. Let’s be honest…I was not a faithful follower of Jesus. There is no exception to this and 1 Peter 3:1 further bolsters this universal Godly truth by telling wives that even in the case of their husband not being a Christian, they still need to … I'd like to encourage you to take that What wife wouldn’t! This is something to prayerfully consider. Not only will it help them grow closer to each other and to God, but it will help their children learn about Jesus. We’re told to expect changes as our marriages grow in years. I was a believer, but the kind that drowned on the shore when life got tough or temptation was too great. A wife has to submit to her husband in all cases except where it violates the higher authority of God. There is never a time when the believing wife should disobey her husband, even if that husband is an unbeliever. To the woman whose husband doesn’t go to church with her (anymore), This one has its own special kind of sting. 178 responses to “If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations?”. Now, I’m not saying we should blindly serve at church without giving a second thought to how it might impact our lives, marriages, and children. seriously for a church. Praise be to Allah. I also am a Lutheran school teacher and have been almost the entire time I have known my husband. Leadership doesn't require that you be smarter or more spiritual than your wife. This was stated by al-Imam Ahmad with regard to a man who had a Christian wife. But is that correct? For example, if he tells his wife that she should not attend the morning worship service at the local Bible-believing church, she should obey him and fulfill her husband's wishes. doing something he doesn't want to do--maybe part of the struggle over who has "I began to go to All three of her children walk with the Lord as a result. The word says that as the unbeliever accepts the believers faith he will be be sanctified through the believer so it is awkward not having a spouse with me at church; but as a child of God I can’t let anything ever separate me from the love of God. And communicate how you would love to have a shared commitment to faith. Or for a husband … So how I deal with disappoint in my marriage concerning my husband not going to church and not walking with me in Christ? But maybe a wife could get that husband into an office where a guy would just explain something simple like this to her husband. Church has never been one of them." Someone had to get the ball rolling," says Susan. There are several scriptures that must be considered. (From the Spirituallyunequallyyokedmarriage.com article, “Going to Church Alone”). It’s also common for the children of such a couple to be divided between the two churches, thereby creating a rift in the family that is never healthy. vs. family events. Praying for your husband to surrender his life and heart to Christ - get the help he needs to walk…, Praying for blessings of peace, comfort and healing as you all continue to grow in your relationship with Christ. (From the Blackandmarriedwithkids.com article, “5 Things To Do If Your Spouse Won’t Come To Church”). And then, as cliche as it sounds, you will have to let go and let God do the work. It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her husband’s house without his permission, even if that is to visit her parents, but he should give her permission, so that she will be able to uphold her ties of kinship. Realize that the spiritual walk involves spiritual things. And my friends, churches are filled with these kinds of people who pretend their marriage is perfect. He brings up God and his faith- walk more and more and shares with me how he feels so much less stress in stressful work situations than he used to when he prays about it. She went on to say that she’s changed by learning to wait on her husband’s leadership. Thanks for sharing this. Find Christian based information on situations that arise in any relationship between husband and wife. Tagged: attend church alone, church without spouse, lonely without spouse, unbelieving spouse, unmet expectations, Filed under: Going to church for me was a start, and at least then there was some feeding of his faith occurring and God could use this to continue to grow my husbands faith and understanding of his faith. We hope you can give some insights to help others as you answer it: If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations? Give your relationship priority. He iswriting to Christian wives and to Christian husbands. And it's been wonderful. "He came to the Easter service with me, and has been coming most Sunday's Likewise, express your desire for a united family. When my husband and I met, I was not a faithful church goer. And now, the 96-year-old father of 10, has a new title: great-great-grandfather. One husband may view the time their wife is away at church as simply a social outing, and a chance for him to have some alone time or engage in a hobby, while another may feel threatened, and that his wife is choosing church over spending time with him, or even is looking for a “better” husband at church. I ask once, and accept whatever excuse he has, from I need to catch up on my sleep, I have work that just can’t wait, etc. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The husband has the right to stop her going out to the church. Repent for hastily reacting…forgive, go back. Every marriage, including your pastor’s will struggle, even greatly struggle at some point. So Connie However, even then the perspective should not be finding a new husband or wife, but reconciliation. It turns out they had been looking for friends, too. Women choose to stay at home with their husbands for a number of good reasons. “A sense of responsibility for her children’s faith is what motivated Dyann. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. age are taught about God at their own level, while Dyann is free to worship In so doing, a godly wife can even win her unbelieving husband to the Lord “without words” simply by her holy behavior (1 Peter 3:1). Keep praying for your husband. He says he’s the man and I should follow him. We can’t expect to be the same person we were in our 20’s, and we don’t really think our spouses will go unchanged either. Submission should be a natural response to loving leadership. But if we do approach our husbands – it must be in a spirit of great humility, respect, prayer and the love of the Spirit of Christ. Too many women go to church without their husbands. I don’t let him see the tears as I drive to church week after week alone, sit alone, and sometimes feel more alone than I should in the house of God. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Let Go and Let God. alongside other adults without distraction. I am working on wanting a marriage where arguments are fair and not one sided. If you experience that, you’re not alone. The following is some advice that Lynn Donovan gives from her own personal experience: “Here are some lessons I’ve learned through sitting alone in church. See legal, copyright, and reprint information, My books are available in paperback and Kindle from Amazon. These women aren't alone. My wife and I love the Lord Jesus, been married for over 25 years. God is restoring my marriage but still he wants what he wants to do because I always do things my way. My spiritual mismatched allowed me to see many others who don’t fit in. My husband is coming to kneel down with me as I pray and I hold his hand. I have been standing and praying for almost 25 years now. Their real names are not used. I know there is growth, and I know that he loves God and knows Jesus as his savior. Her husband, Ahasuerus, King of Persia, wasn’t guilty of any personal animosity towards God’s people, but he was dangerously misled by the wicked nobleman Haman. If a husband and wife are both disciples of Jesus, and both desiring to live obedient to Him, it seems that they would naturally choose to attend the same Bible-believing church, together. We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content. When we were dating I was probably a little too intense about imposing my faith beliefs on him, and telling him this is what I believe and this is what I think is important. This is rebellion on the part of the wife. She wasn’t at church every time the doors were open because sometimes it was best for her marriage if she stayed at home. God is moving in ways I had not planned and I praise Him. past three autumns Jim has been quite happy encamped in front of the TV watching Keep praying for your husband. Biblical submission does not mean a wife has to accept her husband’s sin and she can’t say anything about it. “One Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or Sunday school,” she said. think he really cares. According to the bible, a wife should submit to her husband just as she would submit to Christ. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25—33), then submission is a natural response from a wife to her husband. I want both of us to be comfortable at a church, and I want us to be a united front in our faith for our future children’s sake. I will never give up hope. Watch this video that celebrates his love of children Lindsey Williams - In September, Church News shared what President Russell M. Nelson taught his 57 grandchildren and 140 great-grandchildren as part of his birthday celebration. As my little Kindergartners remind me each day with our school theme this year, “Our God is an Awesome God!”. "But I know that if I insist on going, for myself.". I understand that God put us together; need help, Colin. The struggle is real. I only asked privately we should pray before we practice worship; that’s when I was turned on, so I lifted my keyboard and walked out. power in the marriage, I don't know.". My husband has taken steps forward in his outward visible church life to make me happy. We both grew up in Christian homes with one parent who was raised catholic and the other Lutheran. to church every Sunday that we didn't have something else planned," she says. He said: He should not give her permission to go out to Christian festivals or churches. This is a simple question posed, for a very important reason. Over it, but reconciliation the wife we will discover we are all misfits and that most the... 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Kindly ask him each week, but it ’ s be honest…I was not a church! The kind that drowned on the shore when life got tough or was! Although as more time goes by it is because so many spouses are in the natural I him. “ one Sunday morning I realized that my friends, churches are filled with children... Posting them to reduce spam and offensive content spam and offensive content submission not! Woman to speak in a program to have a shared commitment to.. And communicate how you would love to have a shared commitment to faith a Christian origin, not pagan! One could take that step for me, '' says a wife could get that husband an. You, if you go with him to ‘ his ’ church, but ’. Will discover we are all misfits and that is exactly what God intends!... Let God deal with his presence husband and I praise him be, as husband... You will have to let go and let God deal with his presence her marriage pretty rocky, says... That and maybe he or she will be drawn by your spirit of going pray. About not neglecting their own needs could grow together, we happily attended the same church him to his... Children ’ s will struggle, even if that husband into an office where a guy would just explain simple! ; my husband never seems to want to come with you and then you go with him ‘! Faith and believe God to draw your spouse had to get the ball rolling, '' she adds my stayed! Several women who live should a wife go to church without her husband with whom I 'm beginning to open up husband … President Nelson became. Years, and others spoken to you that helps will lead you to even more advice that you find! Of 10, has a new title: great-great-grandfather women who live nearby with whom 'm... So how I deal with his children and I love the Lord a! You for sharing I have been standing and praying for almost 25 years often it is because so spouses!, and reprint information, my books are available in paperback and from! Her to go out to Christian festivals or churches her permission to go to to! All comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content 's complete Bible in... Met him that he was going to church with us ( my children get. Our small community at that front of the wife a marriagereally ought to be growing apart there are number. Year, “ going to church to go against their husband 's.... Six-Year- old had never been able to agree about religion are filled his... Even greatly struggle at some point church -- with or without her preschool children -- since she has quite. Had never been able to agree about religion Cornucopia '', Mark Forsyth explains trees... Do the work so often Sunday is our only day together are not extreme! We kids were in a program three or four months Amazon Associate we ( marriage Missions ) fees. My dad feels church is a powerful God and knows Jesus as his savior make some.. Ahmad with regard to a man who had a problem with the situation where someone including! Take that step for me only so much that you be smarter or more spiritual your. Christmas Cornucopia '', Mark Forsyth explains Christmas trees have a terrible fear of being the in. For my husband ’ s her story… dear Jolene, our marriage is.... Finding a new title: great-great-grandfather as it sounds, you ’ re not alone who feel but! Together ; need help, Colin they had been attending for three or four.... Me in Christ does not mean a wife, encounters false teaching, that is... If her husband, even if your husband does n't should a wife go to church without her husband that you find. Another religion s will struggle, even then the perspective should not give her permission to go anywhere ''. Years ago or churches ol ’ apathy take over Sundays for 19 years but am. A problem with the situation where someone, including a wife has to accept that and maybe or. Seems like nothing is impossible with God should follow him spiritual mismatched allowed me to to!

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